Ivanka Trump Demands That Her Dad Gets Her A Nut-Sorting Squirrel


DONALD Trump is today attempting to locate a squirrel with the ability to sort bad nuts from good ones, in a bid to appease his demanding daughter Ivanka who has locked herself in the Oval Office and is refusing to come out until she has her squirrel.

Ivanka, 35, had spotted the cute furry creature while on a tour of a neighbouring chocolate factory, and immediately began lobbying her father to get her one of her own.

Not listening to her father when he explained that she wasn’t allowed another treat after he had bombed a foreign country after her request earlier in the month, Ivanka stamped her jewelled heels and pouted while Donald frantically tried to pacify her by promising to bomb anywhere in the world she wanted.

“She’s always been able to manipulate dad like this, ever since she was a little girl,” explained one of Trump’s excruciatingly unbearable sons.

“What Ivanka wants, Ivanka gets. Ivanka wanted airstrikes launched against Syria after hearing reports of a chemical weapons attack, Ivanka got ’em. Ivanka wants a job for Jared Kushner, Jared Kushner got one. So you can rest assured, if Ivanka wants a squirrel that can tell a good nut from a bad one, Dad will find a way to get her one, no matter the cost”.

UPDATE: WWN are receiving reports that the first daughter is being dragged from the White House to a giant ‘bad nut’ bin by an army of squirrels. More as we get it.