Cheer Up Sweet Cheeks, It Might Never Happen

AS PART OF WWN’s Voices series, we give a platform to people we really shouldn’t. Today is the turn of 37-year-old Waterford man Donal Noone, who has caught your eye somehow and can’t understand how a good looking girl like yourself could look so miserable.

The face on ya, Jesus. It’s a shame someone as beautiful as you is pulling a face like that. What did you do, suck on a bunch of lemons? Cheer up sweet cheeks, it might never happen.

Ah no, don’t tell me; your fella has pissed you off. Did he? D’ya have a fella? If you ask me, I don’t know what he’s done, but he’s clearly out of his mind if he’s pissing you off.

I wouldn’t do that to you if you were my woman, I’ll tell you that for nothing. What are you doing waiting at a bus stop anyway? Would he not drive you around like a chauffeur? That’s what I’d do, you’d want for nothing. I’d treat you like a princess, it’s what a gorgeous girl like you deserves.

Ah c’mon now, I’m paying you a compliment the least you could do is smile. Do you do this to every lad who tells you you’re beautiful? Suppose I’m starting to see why himself might be in a bad mood with ya. You know, just ‘cus you’re good looking doesn’t mean you can go around treating people like dirt.

Oh, she speaks? And with a gutter mouth, there’s a surprise. Stuck up and aggressive. Think I’ll pass actually love, you’re fucking horrid looking now I have a proper look at you. Good luck finding a man who will put up with you, you’ll fucking need it.