“Have Some Red iPhones, You Gullible Fools”


AN ASTOUNDING innovation at Apple has led to the company’s CEO announcing that he is proud to offer consumers a revolutionary new product that appeals to your desire to have a visual representation of how charitable and giving you are, WWN can confirm.

“Have some red iPhones for the affordable price of whatever we’re saying is a reasonable rip off these days, you gullible fools,” Tim Cook said from a stage at a packed Apple press conference, as he unveiled a product that will no doubt add handsomely to Apple’s profits.

The launch was carried out in conjunction with AIDs charity Product Red, which has previously partnered with Apple for other products. The product has a stunning feature built into the device that can helps consumers ignore Apple’s $246 billion dollars in cash reserves, its use of questionable tax practices as well as former use of child slavery in African cobalt mines and Chinese factories, in favour of donating a still undisclosed percentage of the $749 cost for the phone.

“The red iPhone 7 is much the same as the iPhone 7 you already possess, the only difference being that we’re exploiting your desire to use charity and Apple products as a way to convey that you are cool, of the elite and somehow special,” Cook explained, as the eager crowd before him began throwing their life savings in his general direction.

The game changing colour, red, has set tongues wagging in tech circles with Apple’s rival cursing the fact they had never thought about arbitrarily releasing a product with the option of an additional colour.

“You think you know what they’re going to do, and then they pull something astonishing like this out of the bag,” explained tech journalist Pete Coban, who admitted he would stab his mother if it meant he could have a red iPhone 7 right now.

Other tech enthusiasts echoed Coban’s sentiment, criticising people who said it would be better to directly donate to a charity which details how much of your money is spent directly on relief and development such as Concern or amfAR which asks for donations in the hope of finding a cure.