Gaeilgeoir Totally Stumped At ATM That Has No Irish Language Option


A QUEUE of increasingly frustrated people has begun to grow behind a Gaeilgeoir at an ATM in downtown Waterford, as he struggles to take out twenty euro due to the complete lack of a ‘Gaeilge’ option on the machine.

Pól O’Mailleagh, 34, is one of the last remaining people in the country who speaks solely in Irish, with the vast majority of the population considering it a waste of time and resources.

Having approached the cash machine at 10am this morning, O’Mailleagh was immediately flummoxed by the lack of an Irish option, and has been doing his best to decipher which of the English words onscreen means ‘withdraw cash’.

The lengthy procedure has greatly irked the people in the line behind him, who have expressed their desire for Irish as a language to die out as quickly as possible so that incidents like this one never happen again.

“Heritage this and national pride that, you can stick it all,” said one aggravated man in the queue, who has hated Irish ever since it was drummed into him at school 20 years ago.

“Paying all that money to have Irish roads signs and warnings on buses and the like… being kept waiting at the banklink by people who are doing their best to keep our native tongue alive… fuckin’ TG4… fuckin’ Gaeltacht… it should all be scrapped. I’ve been waiting here for almost three minutes. Three whole minutes! Unacceptable!”

Several other people in the queue expressed a similar sentiment, adding that they only came to this particular banklink because of its lack of an Irish option in the first place.

“I hate them ATMs with the Gaeilge option,” said one man wearing a Celtic jersey.

“One more button press? Do I not have enough to be doing?”