Homeowner? Here’s How To Treat The Renters On Your Street With Disdain

FOR centuries in Ireland, renters have long been known to be absolutely horrible people with no real life goals or moral obligations to help out in the community. They’re loud, dirty and the majority of them don’t seem to give a shit when it comes to neighbourhood issues. Luckily WWN is on hand to help you continue treating the renters on your street with complete and utter disdain.

Make Sure You Let Them Know You Have A Mortgage/Own Your House

Sure, paying a mortgage is more or less renting from a bank instead of a landlord, but at least it will be yours in 35 years or so, maybe. They don’t need to know about your crippling debt due to the mortgage payments either, or the fact the bank created that mortgage money out of nothing before lending it to you with interest. Renters are fucking morons, they won’t know any of that shit. The first thing you do when you meet the renter on your street is ask them whether they bought the house or not. Yes, you already know the answer because you would have seen the for sale signs, but there is nothing nicer in this world than hearing them tell you the words ‘we can’t afford a mortgage’. Nothing!

Complain About Every Little Noise They Make

So you borrowed 350k for a semi-detached house with a thin bordering wall that allows every single fart, fuck and argument flow through? Not your problem. You own your house, they don’t. They shouldn’t even be living there. If a renter moves in next door, find out who their landlord or letting agency is immediately. Ask the renters if you have to. Who cares what they think. Make sure they know that you will be calling the appropriate person if they surpass the desired decimal range of hearing. Your two bedrooms are beside each other? Suggest they sleep in another room to avoid being evicted. After all, you’ve got the upper hand here. You “own” your house, in a legal sense, so lay down the law. You are the law.

Never Wave Or Say Hello To Renters

Fuck them. What do they want, a ticker tape parade? If you are exiting at the same time, just pretend to look at your phone, ground, anything that’s not them. If they are looking your way, stare at their wiry hedge, unweeded lawn, or anything you can pick them up on over renting a home. Renters don’t care about the place they rent. They’re scum. Always show them up by cutting the adjoining hedge to your liking. Just because they’re paying around the same money every month as you, doesn’t mean they get to have a say.

Complain When Their Friends Park Their Car In Front Of Yours

We would suggest going straight to the Gardaí about this one. No one is allowed to park outside your house only you. You can park in front of their rented property, but under no circumstances should they, or any of their waster friends, park on your side of the road. Technically, it’s not your property, but they don’t know that. You have their landlord’s number if they disagree.

Summary

Fuck renters.