UK Begins Dramatic Transition Back To Pound

THE United Kingdom will begin its long hard transition back to the British pound after finally announcing a date to leave the European Union, penned for the end of March next year.

Setting out her first detailed blueprint for Brexit, Theresa May confirmed the Bank Of England will begin work on reintroducing the old currency back into circulation, in a bid to reclaim its sovereignty from the overbearing European Union which dictated the country’s every move for the past 46 years.

“Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we are free at last,” Mrs. May opened to the House of Commons yesterday afternoon to a massive applause from her peers. “But don’t be fooled. members of the House, leaving the European Union will not be easy. There are so many forms to fill in, including article 50. It’s going to take me forever to finalise it, but we will get there eventually”.

On top of signing several forms to sign her name to, the European Union requested that the prime minister also fills out a survey as to why Britain is leaving, “for their own records going forward”.

“I hate these things. There’s like seventy something questions in it asking things like ‘did you like the way we handled the refugee crisis?’, and ‘would you recommend the EU to a friend’,” she explained, “It’ll take at least two years to fill it out properly, not to mention all the software we have to uninstall from our computers at number 10.  At least we should have our pound back soon”.

However, it was later revealed by a member of May’s team that the British pound was actually still in circulation, much to the surprise of everyone in government.

“Okay, this is strange, but I’m being told that we never actually took on the euro here? As in, what’s all this fuss about then?” a confused May posed to the now murmuring chamber on MPs, “Those forms, though; it’ll probably take me ages to sort them out,” before concluding again, “the completion date of March 2017 still stands”.