“Don’t Abort That Baby, And Please Breastfeed It Where I Can’t See It”


SPEAKING exclusively to WWN, Senator Eamon Russey discusses his simple two-part plan for an easier life for everyone.

The notion that a pregnant woman could one day to decide to abort the baby in her womb is almost as abhorrent to me as the thoughts that the same woman might carry that child to full-term, give birth to it, and then start breastfeeding it across from me while I’m having a flat white at Starbucks.

As a man, I can remove myself from the emotional and hormonal hysteria that a woman goes through on a day-to-day basis, and calmly and rationally relay the facts and figures about abortion and breastfeeding that I have gathered from wikipedia in a collected, concise manner that even those who disagree with me can relate to. If they’re open to listen when a man is speaking, they might find that they can get through life without complaining every five minutes.

I’ve spoken to dozens of other men, and they all agree with me; if you get pregnant, no matter how that should happen, you have a responsibility to your unborn baby to carry it to term. You also have a responsibility to the rest of society to not force us to look at you whipping your chests out in public to feed that baby. Take it to the toilets or feed it at home, or maybe just never leave the house? Think about someone other than yourself for a while. There’s a good girl.