Trump Cancels Irish Trip Amid Fears He Might Be Related To Some Lad From Offaly

PRESIDENTIAL candidate Donald Trump has pulled out of a planned trip to Ireland this month after his security team revealed that some lad from Offaly is to claim he is a long-lost relative of the 70-year-old business tycoon.

Trump was scheduled to visit his County Clare hotel and country club next week, before opting out of the trip in a bid to avoid being forced into a handshake and a hug with Niall Keenan, a 37-year-old from Harrismor, Offaly.

Keenan, with nothing better to do, traced Trumps family tree back almost 600 years, has made claims that the O’Trumps (as they were then known) and the Keenan’s share a bond through marriage.

Eager to avoid having to endure the same horrific experience that Barack Obama did during his first term in office, Trump cancelled the trip in favour of going to a Klan rally in Arkansas.

“Mr. Trump knows he’s only one trip to Ireland away from having a service station outside Tullamore named after him” said one Republican advisor “So, he’s making every effort to avoid contact with anyone claiming to be a relative,” adding “We’ve had Mr. Keenan on a watch-list for some time now, and we’ll be doing our best to keep him in Offaly, where he belongs”.