Woman Has No Indoor Voice

LOCAL Waterford woman Sinead Loughlin is reportedly unable to talk at a low volume whether in conversation on the phone or in person, WWN has learned.

Friends and family members close to the 24-year-old have long been aware of her tendency to talk as if she is competing to be heard over a Boeing 747 engine, regardless of her proximity to the person or persons she’s in conversation with.

However, they have often been too overwhelmed by the sheer volume of Sinead’s voice to speak up and explain their frustration with her foghorn-like voice.

“You know the phrase ‘you hear them before you see them’, well with Sinead you actually feel her before you see her. We thought there was an earthquake here the other day, but it was just Sinead out in the driveway saying hello to a neighbour,” Sinead’s father Cormac explained to WWN.

Sinead’s penchant for slowly eroding the hearing of those closest to her is something leading doctors are very familiar with.

“Sinead suffers from what is called CAPS LOCK syndrome. She is, for ease of explaining, ‘locked in’ to a certain way of speaking, which is akin to internet users who are unable to write in lowercase. It’s tragic for them and this is tragic for Sinead. Whatever you do don’t make such a person laugh,” Dr. Aine Keegan explained.

Dr. Keegan went on to say that they average person has a number in built vocal levels for any given situation including ‘crowded nightclub’, ‘bitching behind someone’s back’ and ‘in the cinema’. Whereas CAPS LOCK syndrome sufferers are stuck on just one setting; ‘small child lost in a crowded public place screaming for their mother’.