Sightings Of Reclusive Kilkenny Footballer Species Reported


A RARE sighting of the reclusive lesser spotted Kilkenny footballer was reportedly made by a group of research students earlier this week, WWN can reveal.

Thought to be long extinct thanks to an outrageous genocide perpetrated by rival species, hurlers, in the early 1900s, sightings of the lesser spotted Kilkenny footballer were long thought to be as credible as sightings of a yeti or the Lochness monster.

“We were told that back in the 1900s they would often graze on GAA pitches so on a whim, we just popped down to Kilkenny with our fingers crossed and binoculars in hand,” lead researcher, TCD student Gavin Hagan explained to WWN.

Hagan and his naturalist friends have succeeded where David Attenborough failed, who was left frustrated by no sightings of the species when making a BBC documentary in Kilkenny in 1968. Attenborough infamously claimed he had seen the footballer in his natural habitat, but was forced to apologise after not realising the species’ stripes were identical to that of a native hurler which graze in great numbers in the county.

“Dead silent. We didn’t risk moving, he just waltzed up to the 40 yard line. Brazen as the day is long, the GAA ball in his hand, a once in a lifetime sighting,” Hagan added.

Sadly an aggressive pack of hurlers who were training nearby caught sight of the footballer and chased him away, the Kilkenny footballer fled into nearby bushes.

“The Kilkenny species of hurlers are very football aggressive, they don’t like the sight of them one bit. They’re incredibly territorial, and we all know about the cull back in the 1900s, awful stuff,” Hagan concluded as he displayed some fuzzy photos he had taken of the footballer on his phone.