Goths Battle Skateboard Kids For Control Of Central Bank Territory


IN what is set to be one of the most bloodless battles the city of Dublin has ever known, two opposing armies of sullen teenagers are to clash this Saturday to see who gets to hang outside the front of the Central Bank: the goth kids, or the skateboarders.

Both factions have shared an onerous truce for years, with the sullen faced emo and goth kids taking up the right-hand-side, and the baggy-trousered skateboarders doing little jumps off the disabled ramp on the left.

From the moment their parents drop them off in the morning until the moment their parents pick them up in the evenings, both groups loiter around the area, occasionally taking a break from laughing at nothing in particular to go sit on the kerb around the bank and french kiss badly.

Although the territory has been shared for years, recent tensions caused by one teenager bumping into another one has caused a war of words between the sides, which will be finally settled on Saturday.

“We are met at this chosen ground, to settle for good and all who holds sway over the Central bank: us goths, or the skateboarding hordes defiling it,” said one teenager, probably called Jeremy with a double-barrelled surname.

“We have more of a right to be here because we’re cooler; I have a tattoo, you know. My mam hit the roof, but I don’t care. I wrote a poem about it. And I’ll write a poem about this Saturday too, when we stare those skateboard kids out of it until they fuck off once and for all”.

While right-minded citizens are going to do their best to avoid the central bank area on Saturday as usual, the square in Temple Bar is bracing itself for refugees from both camps.