WWN Guide To Talking Like A Traveller

TRAVELLER apologists are quick to defend the lifestyle of this group of difficult people, but we here at WWN are sick to death of the softly, softly approach used by so many of the touchy feely, airy fairy public who think ‘they’re just like us’.

Let’s face it, they’re not. It’s time we realise that, and act accordingly, Christ, you can barely understand a word they say. They might as well be from another planet.

We’re not by any means condemning travellers, just accepting of the very clear differences, and that’s why we’ve formed a basic how to guide on speaking their language which is often closed off, esoteric and almost imperceptible to the normal human ear:

“Yeah, you haven’t really lived until you’ve backpacked through, like the Amazon, it’s class. They actually just call it ‘The Am’ for short,” – this muddied and confusing sentence roughly translates to:

“I was in South America for a bit, it’s not all that great to be honest, but I spent so much fucking money getting there and back, I should really big it up”.

“Thailand? You’ve never been to Thailand seriously? So, what, like, never? But I like got to hang out with elephants and tigers and shit” – while the meaning of this sentence is hotly disputed it roughly translates into:

“I’m better than you, pleb”.

“Take a caravan around Europe, I’m telling you, it’ll change your live, all those different cultures” – this one should be straightforward enough:

“No, seriously pleb, I’m fucking better than you”.

Just a handful of sentences and phrases will help you better understand these people and their infuriatingly different ways.

“D’ya ever just want to, you know, drop everything, and hit the Middle East on a bike, really discover yourself” – translates to:

“I’ve no idea what I’m doing with my life and really need to avoid making the necessary big decisions”.

“Swimming in clear blue seas, you’re never closer to nature, it’s really a spiritual experience” – this common phrase can be transcribed into normal human speak as:

“Christ, I’m boring, I should probably say something about God to sound deep”.

We hope this bare bones guide can help you better understand this group of frustrating and ignorant people, because Lord knows they’ve no intention of meeting us halfway on this. Take your new found knowledge of how to speak traveller out with you into the world and start speaking their language.