World Patiently Waits For Woman’s “Big Announcement” On Facebook

GLOBAL productivity has basically ground to a halt as nearly all of Facebook’s 1.4 billion users wait patiently for the “big announcement” promised by Waterford woman Sinead Goulding earlier this week.

Goulding, 34, took to the social media platform on Monday to announce that she had an announcement to make, before adding that she couldn’t announce the announcement yet and would instead be announcing it later in the week.

Although initial feedback questioned the need to announce an announcement that you couldn’t yet announce instead of just waiting to announce the announcement at a time when you could announce it, enough intrigue was generated to warrant an almost complete shutdown of worldwide activity while everyone clicked ‘refresh’ every five seconds to see what the big announcement would be.

The speculation as to what might be announced shows no sign of stopping, and the fact that Goulding said she would be making the announcement “later in the week” instead of at a specific time on a specific day is only adding to the tension.

“Here’s what we know so far,” said Mark Kerritan, CNN’s chief online correspondent.

“Ms. Goulding stated in a public post that could be seen by her 143 friends, but by everyone on Facebook, that she had received incredible news, adding ‘OMG!’ to stress just how incredible”.

“She then goes on to state that she ‘can’t tell u guyz now, will tell all later in d week!’… Just what is it that she can’t tell us? What ramifications does this have for the global community? Should we be excited? Frightened? We’re not sure. The National Guard has been put on high alert, just in case”.

WWN will be monitoring the situation as it develops, and will have more just as soon as Ms. Goulding posts again.