World Record Set As Man Utd Put 76,000 People To Sleep


LOUIS VAN GAAL had something to celebrate this morning after receiving word from the Guinness Book of World Records that one of his lifelong ambitions has finally been fulfilled.

The Manchester United manager is now the proud owner of the record for making a record number of people fall asleep thanks to his team’s display against League One side Sheffield United.

“Yes, I am happy, the philosophy has won. I would like it better if maybe some of my players stayed awake, but I understand for this record it is not easy,” Van Gaal said shortly after the match which saw a number of people lose the will to live.

Van Gaal has praised his team’s consistency pointing out that this is a tenth straight match in which his side have driven people to the point ripping their eyeballs out so that they may never see such boredom again.

A turgid display, which bore all the hallmarks of United under Van Gaal saw the entire crowd at Old Tafford lulled into a gentle sleep from which some fans have failed to wake up from, even after an injury time penalty from Wayne Rooney.

“That is a problem for the stewards, not me,” Van Gaal added, confirming he had no intention of personally waking up the several thousand fans still snoring in the Sir Alex Ferguson stand.