Nation Considering Voting For Whatever Party Offers Them The Most Money


THE NATION, clearly suffering from an aggressive form of memory loss, is seriously considering voting for whatever crowd offers them the most money in the upcoming general election if the latest opinion polls are to be believed.

Large swathes of voters are set to become besotted with the one party who offers the biggest reduction in income taxes, and other assorted prizes which yield no long term good for themselves or the country as a whole, as is Irish election tradition.

“You drop that universal social charge and I’ll drop my pants and do whatever you bloody well want with me to,” Fergus Drummond, a serial voter told WWN, “I’m getting a huge sense of Deja Vu here, but you know what, it’s probably nothing”.

While several political parties have in the past trialled sending party members to the public’s door on election day with a series €20 notes attached to the end of sticks, it is believed this election will see a more cost effective approach with parties instead promising huge handouts to everyone that never materialise.

“I voted Fianna Fáil back in the day because they loved a giveaway budget, but this time I’m going to be more careful with my vote as I know tax cuts aren’t the answer considering,” voter Emma Hughes explained before contradicting herself.

“And in fairness I’m hearing great things about Fine Gael’s plan for reducing the USC down again, so they’ll get my vote,” she added, fully confident in her logic.

The Government is expected to announce a date for the election in the coming weeks alongside a number of bright and shiny election promises.