“It’s Time We Banned Internet Trowels” – Senator Fidelma Healy Eames


SENATOR Fidelma Healy Eames has warned today that she will also seek an out-right ban on ‘internet trowels’ in a proposed new bill on bullying and offensive comments online.

Healy-Eames said she will now tackle the hand-tool ‘head-on’, and will do everything in her power to prevent trowels from hurting anyone else on the world wide web.

“I find it disgusting in this day and age people are being regularly abused by tools like this,” she told WWN via a Skype video call, which took her four hours and twenty eight minutes to log on to. “Trowels should just stick to what they’re good at; levelling, spreading and shaping concrete. To give them a voice online is ludicrous,” adding “They’re probably just repeating what they’ve heard on the building site – but that is no excuse”.

During the interview, the independent Senator showed this reporter one such trowel, and began interrogating it for answers.

“Okay tough guy. Start picking on me,” she yelled at the half wood/half metal implement, who was now refusing to respond. “You’re not so brave now that you’ve no keyboard. What, cat got your tongue?”

Smugly turning her attention back to me on the Skype call, Ms. Healy-Eames commented on how cowardly the online user world is, now beginning to laugh and point at the obviously insulted trowel.

“Looks like someone doesn’t like a taste of their own medicine,” she concluded, happy in the knowledge that she had proven her point. “I think I’ve said all I’ve needed to say here. I rest my case.”

With that, the sixty five thousand euros a year politician ended the call, and any chances of a comeback from the internet trowel.