Pat Rabbitte Sustains Rib Injury In Training, Pulls Out Of General Election


WWN has received confirmation that former Labour minister Pat Rabbitte has been forced to pull out of the next general election after suffering an injury to the ribs during a training session with his fellow politicians.

Rabbitte, a one-time Labour leader, had been expected to compete in the highly anticipated clash for a seat in the Dublin South-West constituency next year.

The timing of Rabbitte’s accident has caused many commentators to cast aspersions as to whether or not the 66-year-old heavyweight is actually injured, or if he is just trying to spare himself a humiliating defeat at the hands of his opponents.

“Rabbitte in the headlights, yeah, just afraid I’m going to drive over him,” said Paul Murphy of the United Left Alliance, who was scheduled to face Rabbitte in next year’s election.

“All of a sudden he’s injured and can’t compete, yeah, scared he is, I say. So now they have me facing some other Labour gimp, who I will defeat in the first count. It doesn’t matter to the Notorious, Paul Murphy, who he faces: I will crush all opposition no matter what”.

Rabbitte, who will pocket a handsome lump sum as well as his generous pension while retiring technically undefeated, was unreachable for comment.