FUTUREWATCH: Sinn Féin In Government

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WWN looks forward to the possibility of a majority Sinn Féin Government and what the Ireland of the future would look like:

United Ireland

After an impressive election campaign which would see Sinn Féin campaign for workers rights, a reformed health service and telling the ECB and IMF where to stick it the first act of a Gerry Adams led Government would logically be an all out war on the Brits, with a stunning victory and repatriation of the 6 counties which Westminister really don’t want anyway. Such is the benevolence of this Sinn Féin Government, they would even find time to throw in a bonus county: the Falklands.

Everything Would Be Nationalised

Every facet of Irish life would be nationalised and thus owned by the people of Ireland as it should be. All airlines and all banks would join the ranks of other important cornerstones of Irish life such as roundabouts, lamposts, Wednesdays and Che Guevera berets as being fully nationlised entities. Even those shitty hipster cafes would be nationalised, bringing an end to those annoying pun-heavy names for coffee specials, instead they would simply be known as a good old cup of Gerry.

A Society In Which We Are Balaclava-less

Ireland would continue to be more progressive in its relationship with minorities, meaning the better treatment of asylum seekers but also removing the horrible stigma faced by some proud republicans, which has seen them forced to cover up their faces.

Hoverboards

Hoverboards? Who doesn’t love hoverboards? The republican movement is known for its staunch nationalism but of course it is also known for its superior scientific knowledge. In an act of altruistic kindness, Sinn Féin would ingratiate itself with the nerd population by finally making hoverboards a reality. No more back to the future, with Sinn Féin –  we’d be living in the future!

Cheap Affordable Goods

Under several years of crippling austerity, many families have struggled to purchase even the most basic good, but with a Government subsidised scheme everything from milk, bread, semtex and knee cap reconstruction surgery will be commonplace and affordable.

Papa Gerry

Much like other venerated leaders in a socialist utopia, Gerry Adams would be revered, respected and lauded like the cuddly uncle he is. Holding what he would call ‘Daily Adams Anecdotes’ he would regale enthralled crowds with stories of how he vanquished the evils of capitalism, in favour a more equal and just Ireland. After much baggering from Mary Lou McDonald, Gerry would finally agree to being cryogenically frozen in 2079.

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