Country Asks Nordies To Keep It Down Up There


THE 26 counties which comprise the Republic of Ireland have today begun banging on the ceiling of the country with a broom, in a bid to let their upstairs neighbours in Northern Ireland know that the noise level is getting on the loud side again.

The symbolic gesture was coupled with a message to the Nordies in the 6 counties to “keep it down up there”, ahead of the historically tumultuous 12th of July celebrations. The build-up to the contentious festival began early this year, as members of the Republican community clashed with loyalists over bonfires or flags or some shit.

Although the relationships between the neighbouring countries has been shaky all through the years they’ve lived beside each other, the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland have settled into a groove in which both of them go about their business without passing much remarks of the other. Only at times such as now, when the Nordies are getting a bit too raucous, will the Republic step in and ask if they know what fucking time it is, adding that “some of us have work in the morning”.

“We’ll never sell this place… I mean, who would want to live beside them?” said the Republic, while having a cup of tea and a purple snack.

“They’re alright most of the time, but then they start up this craic every year with the parades, and the bonfires and the flags and God knows what else. I wouldn’t mind, but everyone just thinks we’re as bad as they are, just because we live beside them”.

Although Northern Ireland has yet to issue a formal statement, it has been heard to mutter under its breath about how you “didn’t hear much out of the Free Staters when they ran out of money and had to go begging to the Germans”.