Toothpaste Scientist Not Sure How Much More Advanced Product Can Get


WORLD renowned toothpaste scientist Prof. Conrad Lee admitted today that his team is all out of ideas when it comes to further advancing the product, claiming they have already covered every possible formula.

Lee, who works with several toothpaste manufacturers across the world, believes the industry should “quit while it’s ahead” and not keep reinventing something that just basically cleans your teeth.

“I’m probably shooting myself in the foot here, but I think we’ve taken this toothpaste thing as far as it goes,” said the 46-year-old. “Seriously, you can’t reinvent the wheel over and over”.

“Last week we advanced an advancing advancement, I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it”.

Since 1896, Colgate had already sold over five thousand versions of the same thing, which Lee claims can be counterproductive as it suggests the original wasn’t that much good to begin with.

The scientist also slammed animated adverts depicting the product as some high tech cleaning agent developed in sophisticated laboratories.

“This whole thing is just getting ridiculous,” he added. “It’s basically soap for your teeth”.

To date, leading toothpaste brands have made wild claims regarding their products, including: advanced whitening, sensitive formulas and even going as far as glitter toothpaste for those seeking sparkling teeth.

“I’m done with the whole thing,” Lee concluded. “I’ll probably look for jobs in the washing powder industry or developing nappies or something”.