Student Looking Forward To Starting College Has No Idea He’ll Drop Out Before Christmas

DUBLINER Darragh Ruane, 18, is reportedly ‘dying’ to start his third level education this September in UCD, seemingly unaware that he will drop out just before Christmas.

“CAN.NOT FUCK-ING. WAIT fOR COLLAGE!!!” Darragh wrote on his latest Snapchat entry to friends, seemingly foreshadowing some of the difficulty he will encounter with his 19th Century English Literature module that is set to begin in the coming weeks.

Darragh has already begun discussing with friends his potential ability to have sex ‘with absolute worldy’s 24/7’ in college, again hinting at his impending trouble with English as well as his inability to grasp the basics of Statistics and probability which will play a major factor in his decision to drop out.

Further displaying behaviour that suggests the former De La Salle pupil has little or no idea of his premature exit from third level education, Darragh also went on to inform his friends that his ‘orientation is on Tuesday, so think I’m going to orientate on some of those sexy first years’.

This last correspondence going some way to explaining why Darragh chose to drop down to pass Biology at the last minute during his Leaving Cert exams.