Dublin Buskers With Best Life Affirming Sob Story To Be Granted Busking Permits



ON foot of the news that Dublin buskers may be required to apply for permits to perform on the capital’s streets, WWN has gained an insight into how these new permits will be granted.

Many visiting tourists and locals have vociferously complained to Dublin City Council about buskers in recent years, with the criticism leveled at many performers while undoubtedly talented lacked a great sob story passers by are used to seeing on reality TV talent shows such as the X-Factor.

Rory O’Connell, one such performer, spoke to WWN of his fears regarding busking permits.

“I’ve had a happy childhood, and to be honest am quite content,” explained Rory on the busking mecca of Grafton Street, “I don’t suffer from any great performance anxiety so with these permits requiring me to have a sob story I’m out on my ear”.

Recent research indicated that the average member of the public is now immune to the powers of music and music performance. Such is the dearth of understanding among the public shows like the X-Factor and the Voice have had to provide increasingly maudlin emotional cues in order to evoke a reaction.

“I never liked that Hallelujah song really, thought it was piss to be honest, but then I saw a video of a girl who had cancer and died and had her parents die on her so when she sang it on America’s Got Talent I was like ‘oh I get it’ and then obviously I cried,” explained music fan and sob story permit advocate Lucy D’Arcy.

Many passers on Dublin’s Grafton Street regularly remark that Rory’s guitar playing talent would put him close to being the secret love child of Jimi Hendrix and Rory Gallagher but despite this fact under new rules he will fail to acquire a busking permit.

“You know in a way, I kind of hate my parents now for not fucking up raising me in any way. That’s my busking career over,” he added.

It was at this point Rory ended the interview and attempted to orchestrate some sort of collision with an oncoming taxi in the vain hope that it would provide him with a nice emotional angle to his busking career but his guitar case simply broke his fall as the taxi plowed into him.

Dublin City officials have confirmed that once the busking permits are finalised they will install large TV screens on Grafton Street and other areas which will play performers sob stories on repeat backing to uplifting and ultimately life affirming music.

“Most likely Coldplay or something,” confirmed a council official.