Leaving Cert Class Of 2014 Should Know How To Get Country Going Again, Hopes Government
THE Government has expressed supreme confidence in the plan it hopes this year’s leaving certificate students have for getting the country going again.
“Our strategy is a very complex series of dependencies of the class of 2014, you wouldn’t understand it to be honest, but we’re hoping these young boys and girls do,” said Taoiseach Enda Kenny at the annual ‘Maybe The Young People Will Sort Out This Mess’ conference in Dublin today.
While the Taoiseach admitted he had similar expectations for the classes of 2013, 2012 and 2011 he added that this year he really thinks that amongst the 55,000 students that sat the examinations at least one of them will have a good idea or two.
It was not yet clear what the plan that would drag Ireland toward prosperity again would look like, Government insiders confirmed ‘numbers and figures’ would be involved in some way.
“We’ve our fingers crossed anyway,” added the Taoiseach, “obviously we’ve been burned by previous leaving cert student ideas such as charging for water, for property you have already bought and that intern scheme but you never. One must live in hope.”
Government insiders believe engaging with students shortly after they receive their results is the perfect time to get valuable and innovative ideas.
“Well, you see, they are full of optimism post-results. Once they start third level education they either become disillusioned after picking some shite basket weaving course or they become too distracted by the opposite sex,” explained WWN’s Government source.
This Government policy of hoping the new generation will sort it all out is in line with another similar policy which asks people emigrating from Ireland if they ‘have any ideas’ as they board their outbound flight.
While it may like an outlandish to think that a group of teenagers hold the key to Ireland’s long term recovery many people are unaware of the impact that these type of students have had in the past.
“Well, yes, the first, leaving cert class back in the day concocted Noel Browne’s Mother and Child scheme and they also got their hands on the Marshall Plan money, but there have been mistakes, of course, like letting one of the student’s control Brian Cowan via wireless remote – that wasn’t pretty”.
As with every leaving cert results day, tomorrow will start with the Taoiseach waking up each and every student indiviually at 7am, informing them that ‘today is the biggest day of your young life’ before telling them the exact number of points they got and how much debt the state has burdened them with.