Damning New Graffitti Suggests That Jimmy Macker Loves The Cock

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Carlow town was rocked by yet another sex scandal last night, as a daring, tell-all piece of graffiti on the toilet walls of a local pub made the stunning revelation that Jimmy Macker just loves the cock.

The statement, made in stark black magic marker on the formica partition of the stalls in the gents toilets in The O’Hara Arms, is the first such allegation against Jimmy Macker, a 23-year-old local. If proven true, the all-caps proclamation will have dire consequences for Macker’s long-term relationship with his 22-year-old girlfriend.

“I would like to categorically state for the record, that I do not, nor never have, loved the cock” said Jimmy Macker, real name James McNamara.

“I take this opportunity to utterly refute this baseless accusation. I am in a loving relationship with a seriously fit young one, and have been for a long time. I would like to add that I do not condemn those who love the cock, but I reiterate that I personally do not”.

Macker’s speech has been scrutinized by the pub’s resident psychology experts, many of whom believe that his fervent denial of cock-loving may suggest that on some subconscious level, he really does love the cock. With Macker’s PR people imposing a super-injunction on local newspapers, Carlow’s internet switchboard has lit up with theories as to who may be the author of the scandalous message.

“Qui Bono.. who profits?” mused Phil McGuinness, The O’Hara Arms absolute very best customer.

“What we could be dealing with here is either someone out to destroy Macker’s reputation as a non-cock lover, or somebody whose cock Macker once loved, but has now rejected. It could have been written by anyone…. this could go all the way to the top!”

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