39 Out Of 40 Dubliners Still Broke As Fuck, Finds Report

On the heels of a census published by Spears Magazine, which suggests that one in forty people living in Dublin is a millionaire, a new report has confirmed that 39 out of every 40 people living in Dublin are doing so on the absolute bones of their arse.

The study, carried out by the Central Statistics Office in conjunction with the dogs on the street, show that 98% of the population in Dublin city have barely a pot to piss in let alone a window to throw it out of. With factors such as soaring rents and flat-lining wages contributing to the humble lifestyles of the populace, Dublin ranks high on the international list of broke-ass towns.

“We were approached to conduct this survey following the findings in Spears Magazine,” said Eamon Hughes, head of the CSO.

“Their report suggested that Dublin had the ninth highest density of millionaires in Europe, and thirteenth in the world. Juxtaposing that, our study reveals that the other 39 out of 40 people are living from one paycheque to the next, feeding themselves bean-based meals every day and just about paying their bills each month”.

The findings also highlighted another interesting statistic, which suggests that those on the millionaires list have been there for some time; just like those on the broke-as-fuck list.

“The lists sure do look the same as they did the last time they came out,” said Hughes, very much on the 1 in 40 column.

“It’s almost as if the people on the rich list never get hit by austerity, whereas those on the paupers list get clobbered the hardest. I’m not sure why we bothered to run these new surveys, when the last ones we ran would have done just as well”.