Women To Spend The Evening Masturbating To 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer

The husbands and boyfriends of Ireland have been banished to the spare room this evening as the hotly anticipated trailer for erotic movie 50 Shades of Grey has been released.

Several pathetic requests by partners to ‘join the fun’ were denied almost immediately.

The trailer ‘dropped’ this morning via helicopter and has been called ‘sexy’, ‘steamy’, ‘sizzling’, ‘hot’, ‘you’ll need to take a cold shower’ and ‘too hot for TV’ by over 15,000 websites who have previously used similar phrases to describe Shia LeBeouf and Simon Cowell at some point. All 15,000 websites have co-signed an internet edict forcing women to masturbate to the trailer.

Internet-issued edicts are rare, but have been used in the past when far too many dissenting voices attempt to ignore something trending on the web.

“It doesn’t really do anything for me and I never bothered with the books, but I suppose if the majority of the media is telling me it’s ‘hunk-a-licious’ I guess I’ll just have to masturbate to it,” a disconsolate Gráinne Hagan told WWN.

The trailer was hotly anticipated by websites that need you click on their website, but is slowly gaining traction among large groups of women here in Ireland and around the world.

“I told my hubby Simon I’d be furiously flicking my bean to the trailer later, so he’d have to stay over at a friend’s house,” explained Vicky O’Hanlon, “but to be honest think I might just watch Prime Time in some peace”.

50 Shades of Grey was a literary smash upon being published, proving very popular with people who don’t read many books and was written by Frank Yardley a 59-year-old builder from Slough, under the mysterious pseudonym E.L James.

Rumours that the movie will differ greatly from the books by being good are unconfirmed at this point. However, the movie has been prematurely described by critics as ‘porn for people who are either petrified of watching porn or being caught watching porn’.