Being In Labour Now Feels Like Actually Being in Labour

SEVERAL Labour Party TDs have been rushed to hospital this morning after reportedly experiencing painful pregnancy-like symptoms.
This news follows a tough weekend for the Labour Party as it saw a total collapse in supporting both local and European elections.Party spokesperson Liam O’ Mahony told WWN that leader Eamon Gilmore had begun feeling persistent lower back and abdominal pain Saturday afternoon as the votes were being tallied.“When the extent of the results became clear, Eamon bent over in pain roaring at his wife for some Feminax. This caught the attention of almost everyone nearby as Feminax is intended for period pain relief and as far as everyone was aware, Eamon did not have a womb, cervixor vagina.”

“By Sunday morning, Ruairi Quinn, Pat Rabbitte and Sean Sherlock all described similar feelings, but it was assumed that all three also lacked the necessary parts to undergo these symptoms.”

In the early hours of this morning, Kevin Malone, a Dun Laoghaire resident and neighbour of Eamon Gilmore, complained to Gardai of piercing yelps of pain coming from the Gilmore residence. The yelps were occurring at regular and increasingly shorter intervals and became longer and shorter in intensity over time.

Gardai arrived at the Gilmore household at 4 a.m. expecting to deal with a domestic dispute, but were shocked to find the Tánaiste writhing in pain in his bed with a blood-tinged mucus discharge between his legs. He was then rushed to St. Michael’s Hospital where an ultrasound was performed but found nothing of note inside Mr. Gilmore except resentment and disappointment.