Ming MEP Looks Up Distance Between Amsterdam And Brussels Following Election Victory



VICTORIOUS European elections candidate Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan was busy planning his future as he is set to take his place in the European parliament as a representative of the people of the Midlands North West.

While there were understandably joyous scenes when Ming was first elected as an MEP, his focus almost immediately turned to the future, specifically honing in on the distance between Brussels, home of the European parliament and Amsterdam.

“You know I’m not one for maths and figures, but off the top of my head they are 31 weekends left in 2014, and flights from Brussels to Amsterdam are, on average, about €180 so that’s €5,580 in total which is less than 10% of my MEP salary of €84,000 but like I said I haven’t even thought about it,” Ming said in a moving acceptance speech in the count centre.

Those in the count centre were left confused as the Independent candidate, then went on to spend much of the remainder of his acceptance speech consulting a map of Europe.

“Anyone have google maps on their phone there?” Ming added passionately.

While many members of the assembled press made light of the relative proximity of Brussels to the drug haven of Amsterdam, Ming was stern in his response.

“I’m going to get absolutely wretched on the widow spider blend, well, at least that is what you lot want me to say, but the truth is I’m just mad for the Anne Frank museum,” the newly elected MEP told WWN.

“It’s also, eh, got canals and bikes and shit like that,” Ming added unconvincingly as he leafed through a copy of ‘A Tourist’s Guide To Pretending You’re Not Just In Amsterdam For The Drugs’.