‘We Just Don’t Feel You Want It Enough’: EU Tells Ukraine


EUROPEAN UNION Officials met today in an emergency meeting to establish whether Ukraine has done enough to warrant recognition from the free member state.

The meet comes after Ukraine’s security service announced a nationwide “anti-terrorist” operation in response to deadly anti-government protests, spiralling tensions out of control in its capital, Kiev.

During the four hour get together, EU foreign ministers discussed the level of violence in the city over the past few weeks, stating it was an ‘exciting time for the country’.

“There’s some cracking footage emerging.” said British foreign secretary William Hague. “It’s kinda like a tame Sarajevo, and I can’t wait to see where the whole thing goes. However, they’re not trying hard enough.”

European Union Commission President José Manuel Barroso called on all sides in Ukraine to make ‘more of an effort’ for those watching the protests on television and streaming on internet news agencies.

“If the protesters put their minds to it; things could get a lot more serious.” he said in an open statement to the Ukrainian people. “We just don’t feel you want it enough.”

“Maybe stage a full on coup d’état and we’ll get back to you on the whole EU intervention thing.”

The meeting of the EU foreign ministers is set to reconvene tomorrow afternoon where highlights of today’s violence is to be played on loop for the duration.