Trump To Spend Day Watching ‘Twister’

EAGER not to sound like a fucking idiot when talking about the category 5 hurricane currently bearing down on the east coast of the US, President Donald Trump has ordered a screening of the 1996 action thriller Twister in the Oval Office for himself and his ‘storm team’.

With winds approaching 200mph Hurricane Dorian has already laid waste to the Bahamas and Cuba, and concerns are being raised as to what the US government plan to do about it when it moves closer to a region where real people live.

Backing up his claims that ‘nobody knows as much about tropical storms’ as he does, Trump called for the screening of the hit action adventure Twister, rubbishing claims that there are distinct differences between a hurricane and a tornado.

“He told us ‘a storm is a storm’ and demanded we get him a TV and a DVD player” sighed one White House aide, as the Helen Hunt/Bill Paxton thriller played loudly in the background.

“He’s in there taking notes, and so far all he has come up with is a plan to cut up loads of Pepsi cans to make little propeller things to release into the storm, and a to-do list that includes ‘watching out for flying cows’. He’s pretty into the movie, and on his third viewing of it he was able to follow the plot with only a few questions and almost no outbursts of ‘why don’t these scientists just pray more'”.

Trump has also called for Bill Paxton to be brought to Washington to help with anti-hurricane plans, with the actor’s 2017 death seen as ‘a problem for someone else to solve’.