TIRED of nobody listening to your righteous fury on your podcast, newsletter, YouTube channel or soapbox? Need to bump up your audience figures so that you can really get your message out there and make some money from it? Then you need to get silenced by the media, and quick! Here’s a few pointers:
1) Be silenced by the media
There are a few ways to accomplish this. First, you need to get the message out there that you’re being silenced by the media. This is a self-fulfilling thing, like asking people not to think about elephants. A simple message via YouTube or Twitter along the lines of ‘why are the media silencing me?’ should do it.
2) Do not remain silent
You’ve been silenced by the media; here’s what’s next. You should get as loud as you possibly can about how you’ve been silenced by the media; the ideal places to do this is on radio, TV, chat shows, radio shows, your very own newspaper column, or all of the above. The less you remain silent about how silenced by the media you are, the more the media will rush to un-silence you. This is known as ‘the circle of noise’.
3) Live forever as a hero who conquered the media
Having become known as a free-speech warrior who would not back down despite the media’s attempts to silence you, you can now be interviewed on panel shows, give your opinion on matters that you know nothing about, and be as big a cunt as you feel like being. Bear in mind, if you try to silence yourself at this point, your highly-paid position as a silenced person will go away. There’s plenty of people who have copped on to how this all works, and they’re more than willing to take your hard-fought spot away from you.