Slowly Phasing That One Prick Of A Friend Out Of Your Life, A Guide

STUDIES have shown that everyone has that one friend that they struggle to rid themselves of. A troublesome and irritable presence in their lives, the type of friend of who pops over unannounced, and says ‘let’s go for a drink’ and lo and behold flash forward to three days later and he has somehow emptied your bank account, taken your car, and crashed it. In Estonia.

It should be a straightforward process – telling this friend that enough is enough, but thanks to social niceties and human being’s propensity for seizing up from the awkwardness of having to confront a problem, it’s hard to ditch that massive prick.

Despite heavily implying you hate them immensely and intensely, that one prick is impervious to subtle hints, it’s going to take a grand gesture to make it clear they will play no part in your life going forward. WWN has the foolproof tips which can help you rid yourself of that one prick:

Fake your own death

It’s your only option, uproot your life afterwards and move to an isolated fishing village in Alaska and remain there until you actually genuinely die. Sure, you will lose out on contact with your family and loved ones, but just think of how good it will feel not to have that dread spread across your body when the phone rings and up comes ‘Not This Prick Again’ on the display.

You’re currently in denial, thinking to yourself ‘maybe I can just kill the prick’ but you can’t, you’ll be found out. People are always found out when do this but you could fake your own death. It can be done. WWN believes in you if you believe in how much you never want to have any interactions with that one insufferable prick the world threw your way in a cruel act of fate when you were in the same junior infants class as him.

A life of fishing in the wilderness isn’t that bad, honestly. It’s better than being cornered at a party by that one prick who tells the same five stories over and over again.