AN investigation has been launched into how the Taoiseach of Ireland, Leopold Varadkar, came to be exposed to criticism while attending the People of the Year Awards, which left him fighting for his smug sense of self-satisfaction in hospital.
Rushed to hospital after being on the receiving end of criticism from People of the Year award recipient Vera Twomey, who tirelessly petitioned the government to grant a medicinal cannabis licence for her daughter, Taoiseach Varadkar is believed to be in a stable but severely roasted condition.
Normally protected from such direct assertions that he may not be God’s gift to Irish democracy, Varadkar became visibly uncomfortable as Twomey, mother to a child whose debilitating seizures can be brought to an end with medicinal cannabis, called for the Taoiseach to change the legislation regarding its use and the issuing of licences in a bid to ease the suffering of thousands of Irish citizens.
“We fucked up, we should have just kept him at home taking selfies, pretending he’s watching whatever cool show people are binging on Netflix,” explained all 1,459 members of the Taoiseach’s extensive PR team.
The pristine social media sheen of the Taoiseach’s image was left severely damaged by the exchange with a normal member of the public, but it is hoped he will recover in time to never again make the mistake of attending another public event that isn’t stage-managed to within an inch of its life.
“The docs gave him 10ccs of pandering compliments and he started perking up again. But they had to lie to him and tell him a tweet of his got 1,000 retweets just to get him back on his feet, ya know,” explained a source close to the bruised ego of the Taoiseach.
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