Local Football Fan Still Doesn’t Rate Man City


DESPITE Man United’s 1-0 loss to West Brom securing the 2018 Premier League for Manchester City, one local football fan remains adamant they are nothing more than a rag tag bunch of untalented semi-professional footballers who got very lucky.

Ciaran Ballane (22) explained to friends and football forums that it takes more than winning a league title to convince him that a team isn’t anything other than a ‘steaming pile of shite’ as Ballane recently described Man City.

“When you ignore all the games they’ve won, the goals they’ve scored, the amazing performances and style of play, you’ll see that Raheem Sterling runs like a T-rex, and that’s not ‘good team’ material in my book. They’re bang average,” Ballane explained, finally putting the argument of whether or not Man City have Ciaran Ballane’s stamp of approval to rest.

Further explaining that the subjective nature of football often means that things like having more points than rival teams and/or winning games and trophies does not technically mean anything, with teams only being able to earn the accolade of ‘rated by Ciaran Ballane’ if they are the 2008 Man United side which featured Ronaldo.

“Come back to me when they’ve won a few more leagues, and champion’s leagues. Then we’ll talk,” Ballane added, implying that he personally had the power and authority to withhold the awarding of the Premier League to teams until they meet his strict criteria for being a ‘good side’.

Citing City’s recent losses to Liverpool and Manchester United as solid evidence that they can’t be anything other than the worst team he’s probably ever seen because truly great sides like the Milan of the 90s and Ajax of the 70s went unbeaten for 14 years scoring a billion goals in the process, Ballane’s mind will not be swayed when it comes the utterly shite champion’s of England.