Ebola Cure Only Works On Westerners With Money, Claim Specialists

LEADING Ebola specialists have said today that experimental treatments for the virus seem to only work on westerners with money, and don’t think there is any possibility of a cure for their African counterparts.

“Ebola is a complicated and strange disease that seems to only fester on people with little or no money.” said Dr. David Coffee, who is successfully treating two missionaries, Dr Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol, who contracted the disease last week. “It would not benefit anyone to test this serum on the poor. Just because they have no money doesn’t make it right to experiment on them. Best we leave them be, the poor things.”

Authorities in West Africa have expressed outrage that treatment was only trialled on the two US aid workers in Liberia, instead of any hundreds of infected natives dying there.

“This is an obvious case of moneyism.” said local man Jajub Badunga. “Maybe these people see Ebola as a solution to our over-populated continent. If these sick people were white, and carrying a Visa card, I’m sure the story would be very different – they would still be alive.”

Meanwhile, absolutely everyone with money sighed a breath of relief in the first world following news of the cure.

“I’m kinda happy now in a way that there’s a cure for people with money.” said Dublin man Gerry Cole. “Myself and the wife are defiantly gonna keep a few bob aside in case the outbreak reaches here. Shame about those poor lads over there though. They should really think about getting a job or something.”

Almost 900 people without have died from the Ebola virus across Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone since the latest outbreak began in February this year.