Garda Commissioner Under Pressure To Be Good At His Job

Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan is said to be on the verge of resigning from his position after a number of politicians suggested he should apologise for remarks made about the recent Garda whistleblowers.

Leading Government Ministers have gone even further, demanding that Commissioner Callinan start carrying out his duties to the standard expected of him.

Joan Burton, Minister for Social Protection, was one of the first brave politicians to call Callinan’s position into question.

“A number of people have said I hadn’t made my opinion known until I could make political capital out of the situation which is preposterous,” the Minister shared, “I’ve been whispering under my breath at an incredibly low volume giving a very clear opinion on the matter to anyone who wouldn’t listen.”

Members of the public have not been so opaque in their comments with Carlow native John Devine suggesting, via social media, that Callinan just ‘fucking resign already, this is getting boring’.

Another member of the public Rosie O’Flaherty, from Wicklow, shared her pessimism with WWN, “sorry, are you suggesting we should have competent people in positions of power in Ireland? I’ve more more chance of getting pregnant at a Eunuch’s convention.”

If Callinan is to keep his job it is expected he will have to issue one of those completely disingenuous apologies that no one in their right mind would believe.

“It has to be balanced very delicately,” shared PR guru Marty S. Lime, “you can’t say sorry, that’s insanity personified, but you can say the word ‘apologise’ and if you can break down in tears that always helps.”

Minister for Justice Alan Shatter was unavailable for comment as he was attending a puppy drowning convention.

More to follow as we get it…