AFTER the overwhelming and euphoric adrenaline rush slowly receded from his body, Captain Kirk aka William Shatner aka The Oldest Man In Space was brought crashing back down to earth by the small print in the contract he signed with Blue Origin billionaire Jeff Bezos. “What are you, 90 years old? You going for a… Read more »
ALTHOUGH the world has admitted that the footage of 90-year-old Star Trek actor William Shatner floating in zero-gravity on board the Blue Origin space flight yesterday was touching, Amazon boss Jeff Bezos ‘needn’t think’ that he’s off the hook for a raft of arsehole behaviour over the last number of years. Thousands tuned in to… Read more »
BANGING angrily on the outside of the Russian spacecraft carrying the crew which beat out the Mission Impossible actor to become the first filmmakers to make a movie in space, a livid Tom Cruise has demanded he is immediately given a part in their space-set movie. “Show me the movie!” screamed Cruise, maintaining his remarkable… Read more »
MOMENTS before reentering the Earth’s atmosphere, billionaire Richard Branson personally thanked all 4,700 former Virgin Atlantic employees terminated in the last year, as without them Branson probably wouldn’t have been able to afford his jaunt to space. “Oh I can’t imagine how happy they all for me to be going on this little pointless tourist… Read more »
BUZZ Adlrin, the last surviving crew member of the historic Apollo 11 moon landing mission, has spoken out following the death of his fellow astronaut Michael Collins, stating that Collins always agreed that it was Buzz Aldrin who ‘really held that whole moon trip together’. “Ask anyone and they’ll tell you; I was the star… Read more »
PERVERTS working at NASA have today been slammed for using a drone to stalk the red planet, WWN has learned. The criticism comes as researchers and scientists working for the US space agency flew a helicopter for the first time ever on another planet, without apparently any concern for its privacy. “We’re guessing they don’t… Read more »
NASA’s groundbreaking Perseverance rover has touched down on the surface of Mars, where it will now remain in isolation for 14 days to ensure it does not spread Covid-19, unlike some of you we could mention. Although the chances of transmitting Covid-19 from a mechanical 6-wheeled exploratory vehicle to whatever microbial life may exist in… Read more »
JAPANESE scientists are being asked if now is really the time to be examining asteroid dust collected by the Hayabusa-2 space probe, given the losing streak that earth has been on for the last 12 months. A capsule from the space probe landed in our atmosphere earlier this morning as scheduled, but there have been… Read more »
NASA’s ‘big news’ about the discovery of water on the moon has been met with a resounding ‘meh’ from humanity, in a year where even the CIA struggled to drum up wonder and awe with their announcement that UFO’s were real. The space agency had drummed up huge buzz before the announcement with a number… Read more »
THE WORLD has been told to stay calm following news of an air leak on board the International Space Station, as the issue has almost zero chance of developing into anything other than a mundane repair with no drama, no zero-G fireballs, and no last minute Hail-Mary solutions that would involve the sacrifice of a… Read more »