ATTRACTIVE young people with huge social media followings will be allowed to freely journey to sunlit climes to take pictures of themselves draped over a range of furniture, under a special exemption from incoming Covid travel restrictions due to their essential service to society as a whole, WWN has learned. “There are a number of… Read more »
RESPONDING to increased calls for a mandatory quarantine for travellers from abroad, the government finally confirmed it will quickly set about devising a system that will leave out all the sensible suggestions by experts in favour of committing to a half-assed approach that will achieve little in the fight against Covid-19. Here’s how Ireland’s 14-day… Read more »
AS NEWS spreads that Ireland’s over-70s population will thankfully be next in line to receive Covid-19 vaccinations starting in February there was a disturbing trend emerging in online shopping. “Our busiest time of the year is Halloween naturally, but yeah we’ve sold over 1,000 grey wigs, walking sticks, off colour knitted jumpers and incontinence pants… Read more »
A COUNTY Limerick man who tested positive for Covid-19 but has no symptoms of the virus has admitted to feeling like some kind of immortal God, making sure to crowbar his stunning supernatural abilities into every single one of his conversations, WWN has learned. “I’ve O type blood so that definitely stopped it in its… Read more »
DESPITE it being news the Irish public knew was coming because a) the government is addicted to leaking things to the media before they make official announcements and b) have you seen the hospitals, many are finding the news that Level 5 restrictions will remain in place until at the very least, March 5th. WWN… Read more »
AS LEVEL 5 restrictions in Ireland are extended to at least March the 5th, WWN interviews so-called Quaranteens; those people whose care free teenage years were interrupted by Covid-19 lockdowns that seem to have no end in sight. “Tik Tok was big then or was is called Tok Tik? My memory is getting awful bad… Read more »
HAVING recently declared themselves Covid-fee yet again those sheep shagging hobbits in New Zealand made international headlines off the back of a photo of 22,000 plus people enjoying a tightly packed concert. At first, such wild and joyful scenes of togetherness and rampant socialising could cause pangs of yearning, jealousy and sadness for those citizens… Read more »
IN an exclusive interview with RTÉ radio’s Brendan O’Connor Taoiseach Micheál Martin unveiled how he keeps on top of things, staying one step ahead of all the challenges facing him as Ireland’s leader. “It will snow yesterday,” explained Martin, who has unfairly been accused of reacting too slowly at times to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic…. Read more »
ONE LOCAL Krav Maga enthusiast and self-confessed security expert kindly sat down with WWN earlier today and explained how to solve a growing problem faced by retailers; that of belligerent, aggressive and troubling making individuals who refuse to wear masks when shopping. “Lights out, y’know, it’s that simple,” explained Derek Dollins while grabbing an imaginary… Read more »
TRAFFIC cones and shopping trollies across the country have made a joint statement earlier today, stating they would only love to be stolen by students right now, anything to give them a break from the monotony of lockdown, WWN can confirm. Once a go-to item for drunken escapades, a spokesperson for roadside traffic cones made… Read more »