Tag: ireland

Acting Like It’s March 2020: A Guide

DEPUTY chief medical officer Dr Ronan Glynn has issued a stark warning that we need to ‘start acting like it’s March 2020¬†again’ if we want to reverse the troubling course of Covid-19, amid soaring case numbers but how can we do that? With the last 10 months seeming like a thousand years to most, it… Read more »

Nation Breaks Into Nearest School To Escape Covid-19

ARMED with bolt cutters, axes and JCBs which could be good for ramming school gates, the Irish public, in desperate need of keeping safe from out of control Covid-19 cases, is breaking into Ireland’s famously Covid-free schools. A marvel of anti-pandemic technology, Irish primary and secondary schools have been championed by the Department of Education… Read more »

Ireland Sinking At Rapid Rate Due To Excess Christmas Weight

AUTHORITIES are scrambling to keep the island of Ireland above sea level amidst a huge weight gain arising from snacking, dining and munching sessions in recent days. “We’ve commandeered a load of swimming pool inflatables and strapped them to the bottom of Ireland, but she’s already sinking again and rapidly,” explained a rescue worker desperately… Read more »

Everyone Ignoring Priest’s Zoom Invite For Midnight Mass

THERE WERE awkward scenes in a local Waterford parish as families attempted to ignore repeated Zoom invites to midnight mass from parish priest Fr Eamon Amen. Expecting the current circumstances to exempt them from being guilted into attending midnight mass, locals have found themselves pursued by Fr Amen’s emails, texts and follow up emails in… Read more »

Oddball Family Has Christmas Dinner At 7pm

THE O’RIORDAN family are now the talk of the locality after it emerged the clan of raving oddballs have their Christmas dinner at the frankly insane time of 7pm. “They were always ‘odd’ if you know what I mean,” confirmed neighbour Tracey Whelan when speaking with WWN. A community wide test alert with nothing but… Read more »