“The Fact I’m A TD & A Vampire Will Not Impact The Way I Vote On Bloodsucking Legislation”


UNDER FIRE fror not previously declaring his status as a vampire who thirsts for human blood, local TD Dracula O’Neill has spoken out against criticism he has received, rejecting the accusation that his being a vampire has unduly influenced his voting record on bloodsucking legislation.

“I think it’s wrong to make such a point of it. Yes, I’m a vampire but I don’t see why it’s some sort of outrage that I’ve put forward 70 pro-blood sucking legislation amendments in the last 5 years without declaring I’m a vampire, it’s our jobs as TDs to legislate”.

“I’m more than my bloodsucking, I speak on many issues and if TDs had to declare their interests every time they spoke on subjects we’d never get anything done”.

“I come to my decisions on the matter of bloodsucking in an organic, reasoned way – to suggest I would vote for it purely because it provides me with the sustenance to carry on living is frankly unfair, and a real mischaracterisation of my impeachable motives and morals as a TD”.

“Was it an error that I left the fact I hunt, kill and consume humans off the list of declarations? Perhaps, but I have now updated the record to reflect that. Again, my call for a ban on importing garlic is more to do with protecting the Irish produce we grow here at home and that’s it.”

“The Dáil is made up of people from all manner of backgrounds and professions, this is no different really, to, eh, emmm, no different to a teacher advocating for schools not be burned down – we don’t, eh, have a go at them for that sort of stuff. Me lobbying for vampires to get first dibs on all blood donations is no different”.