With Kids Back To School, Parents Free To Enjoy Glimpse Of Life They Could Have Had


HAVING dropped their kids off to school at the start of the new term, parents around Ireland have headed off to catch a taste of what their lives could have been if only they hadn’t made the grievous error of having children in the first place.

“It’s the strangest thing, I’m in a coffee shop with a coffee in front of me and I’m actually drinking it. It’s not going cold while I tend to a skinned knee or a missing Lego piece… and there’s nobody asking me for a bit of my croissant, either. You mean there’s people who don’t have kids that get this every day? Really?” asked one Waterford dad we spoke to, who went on to add that he was ‘perilously close to relaxing’.

“I tidied the house an hour ago and it’s… still tidy? How is that possible?” sighed a contented Dublin mother we interviewed, as she sat down in her home which was looking immaculate for the first time since giving birth to her Junior Infants-aged son. “I know he’ll be back at one and just wreck the place, but for now this is bliss,” she added.

“Let’s go fuckin’ crazy! Let’s go to Amsterdam and do a big load of coke!” yelled a Galway pair, perhaps getting a little bit carried away with things.

Despite these statements, every parent we spoke to had posted a gushing tribute to their ‘little angles’ on their social media platforms this morning, adding how they’re going to ‘miss them so much’.