Dublin Buses Magically Disappearing From Route Prevented 2 Million Tonnes Of Carbon Emissions


NOT to be outdone by their peers in the German train industry who revealed the slashing of nationwide fares to a flat €9 resulted in an estimated reduction of 2 million tonnes in carbon emissions, Dublin Bus have revealed they’ve done even better.

“We achieved that and more, and we didn’t even have to put on a service,” revealed head of Dublin Bus’ time display units Craig Delaney.

Delaney revealed that by clearly displaying ‘bus due in 5 minutes’ only for the bus to magically disappear, the public transport service has eradicated millions in carbon emissions.

“The German train lads are all ‘by having a flat fare nationwide we convinced people to abandon their cars’ but they hadn’t considered the obvious – not bothering to run the trains at all at all,” added a beaming Delaney, who was expecting an environmental award any minute now from Eamon Ryan called the Golden Lettuce or something.

“Imagine the carbon footprint of Dublin Bus if every commuter waiting hours for buses that were advertised but never showed actually turned up? The damage we’d do. Sure, some little pensioner is annoyed we didn’t show up and so she missed her hospital appointment but think of the bigger picture,” explained Delaney.

Dublin Bus have outlined a number of other emission saving initiatives which include:

Saving on garda petrol by not calling them when someone is being assaulted on a bus.

Convincing cyclists to take up public transport by nearly running them over.

Conserving petrol by refusing to slow down when hitting a ramp.

Reducing the carbon footprint of banks by refusing to accept card as payment.