Man Not Sure Last Time He Climbed A Tree


A STUNNING realisation has left one local Waterford man contemplating his life, and the very concepts of freedom and joy WWN can report.

Absentmindedly staring out the window of a bus on yet another soul crushing commute home 37-year-old David Ferrin eyed a group of young children giving one another a boost up an oak tree, setting off an existential crisis about the direction his life was leading in.

“When did I last feel that free? If I climbed a tree now people would think ‘there goes some head the ball, some looper’, I used to love climbing tress… what happened to me?” Ferrin said, interrogating himself as he watched the children playing and exploring without a care in the world.

“You could climb the tree on the green outside the apartment when you get home… you’d have to wait until it’s dark so no one sees you though, don’t want to be labeled a weirdo,” continued Ferrin on his train of thought, before warning himself that being discovered up a tree when it’s dark would see him labeled an even bigger freak than if he were to do it during daylight hours.

Ferrin couldn’t be sure of the date but he believes the summer he turned 14 was likely the last time he climbed a tree, shortly before his discovery of women.

“I haven’t climbed one of them in ages either, what am I doing with my life?” crisis hit Ferrin said, who will tomorrow realise he shouldn’t skip lunch while working as it always makes him a bit tired and emotional.