Things We Learned From The Beckham Documentary

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PEOPLE can’t tear themselves away from the riveting new documentary commissioned by a PR team looking to help launder David Beckham’s ailing reputation in much the same way Beckham laundered the Qatari regime’s abysmal record on human rights.

Here’s every revelation from the 4-part series:

The ‘Sarong incident’

Beckham admits he didn’t mean to bring men’s fashion roaring into the 21st century he merely tripped over a tablecloth moments before the paparazzi emerged.

The Wimbledon wonder goal

The iconic goal was actually Beckham’s attempt at hitting a man in the crowd behind the goal who had slagged his dye job.

“Shit, shit, erase that”

Caught off guard Beckham instinctively said ‘Ginger Spice’ when asked on camera who his favourite Spice Girl is.

The boot to the head

Beckham admits that after Alex Ferguson famously kicked a boot at his head he spent a worrying 18 hours in a make up chair trying to get it to look like he needed stitches.

Best friends

Beckham spoke of how painful the surgery to remove Gary Neville’s tongue from his arse was.

Post ’98 abuse

Beckham spoke movingly of the abuse he suffered but he admitted that being called a ‘Twatesaurus Rex’ by a 3-year-old girl was ‘very funny’.

“What’s that?”

Beckham said when asked what he thought of his reputation of being an ignoramus.

Rolls Royce

In a hilarious gone-viral-everywhere clip Beckham showed he had no time for his wife claiming she was working class while being driven to school in a Rolls Royce, sure that would be like someone claiming to be a champion of equality and human rights and then prostituting themselves for Qatar despite already being one of the richest sports people on the planet and not needing the money.

The sending off

Beckham admitted he is actually very grateful VAR was NOT around in his day or else Victoria Beckham could easily review footage and conclude he absolutely had an affair with Rebecca Loos.

Privacy

It’s clear from the documentary Beckham is fiercely protective of his private life when comes to things like him losing his shit in emails at the Queen over his failure to be knighted by her and his alleged tax evasion. But if you need him to hook up a documentary director with his famous friends to talk about how great he is, he’s all ears.

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