Hovering Over Your Missus While She’s Getting Ready Speeds Up Process By 300%, Finds Study

A NEW study carried out by John from Urlingford has found that if you hover over your partner while they’re getting ready to go out somewhere with you can speed up the process by 300%.

Standing impatiently with your jacket on and an annoyed expression on your face was found to be the best course of action to speeding up the application of make-up, doing hair and choosing the perfect outfit, John found.

“Sighing loudly also works,” the lone researcher published in his report, “staring at her reflection in the mirror like you’re about to murder someone is another trick I like to use or pacing up and down the hall and jingling your keys – man, I’m a professional at this craic”.

John, who has since become single after publishing his findings, added that waiting in the car outside and revving the engine every so often is also a great way of ending a relationship if needed, stating that he will publish a book on his research later next year.

“I’m going to devote an entire chapter on how to give women the ick,” the fulltime son-of-two added, “I’ll teach men how to perfect that annoying high pitched baby voice and show them how revealing your own insecurities by using jealous remarks can relieve you of being held back by the old ball and Jane… I mean chain,” adding, “oh, God, I’m sorry, Jane, I love you – please text me back”.