Record Number Of Villages Missing Their Idiots


A MASS shortage of idiots were reported in a number of villages throughout Ireland, sparking fears that if let loose without proper supervision they are liable to do something stupid like repeatedly shout the word ‘pedo’ for hours on end while erecting a gallows and noose outside the Dáil much to the indifference of nearby gardaí.

“Could they assault and rob the phone of a young intern on her first day working in Leinster House? It wouldn’t surprise me now, it’s amazing the things people who share one brain cell between themselves can get up to,” confirmed one local with firsthand knowledge of imbeciles of the highest order.

The news has seen a number of authorities, civil groups and members of the public respond strongly to the acute idiot shortage in villages.

“I thought they said they were looking for work,” observed officials in the Department of Social Welfare.

“Oh so that’s where he wandered off to,” added staff from a nearby mental health facility specialising in treatment of the criminally stupid.

“Bless them, they think Michael Healy Rae is in charge of the nation’s immigration policy,” observed another.

Speaking on how gardaí policed the matter yesterday, a garda spokesperson said “c’mon now, we can’t go arresting people who kick, punch and rob while calling on politicians to be hanged. Now if they were being illegally evicted by a landlord we could step in baton first and show them whose boss”.

Some relieved locals confirmed that on the plus side with their village’s idiot gone for the day the number of vile, racially motivated diatribes they’ve been subjected to today stands at zero.

Elsewhere, a number of media outlets have confirmed that a separate gathering seemed to simultaneously occur made up entirely of ‘concerned locals’ with ‘legitimate grievances’ who didn’t spend the afternoon screaming about George Soros WEF chemtrails pedos replacing white Irish people with transexual 5g masts.