5 Chunky Aran Jumpers To Hide Your Body Under Until Next June


RULES ARE RULES. It’s Autumn and the temperatures are dropping therefore you must cover up your body with as much fabric as possible until Ireland’s four days of summer kicks in some time next June.

WWN brings you 5 Aran jumpers that scream ‘I’m a big hibernating bear dwelling deep in a cave, fuck off and leave me alone’:

If it was any chunkier it would be a Yorkie bar circa their ‘not for girls’ era marketing.

Yes! So thick and chunky you could fit yourself and the ever-expanding universe inside it. Throw on this bad boy to stave off the freezing cold and then pass out from the stuffy, crowded heat of public transport!

This mofo weighs 12 stone and took 18 West of Ireland grandmothers all called Mary days to complete. They developed knitter’s elbow for this, honour their sacrifice by never taking it off again.

This Aran knit shawl must go over your Aran knit jumper which is over your Aran knit tshirt which sits atop your Aran knit bra which nestles over your Aran knit skeleton.

Although it might not appear so at first glance this is one single jumper. The additional head holes and arm sleeves have been knitted bearing in mind the fact that you will be wearing it for so many long dreary and cold Irish months that you may evolve during this period to grow additional limbs and heads.