Local Dad Loves Caelan Doris More Than He’ll Ever Love You


THE RESULTS are in and if your father is taking even a passing interest in the Rugby World Cup chances are his love for Caelan Doris is boundless and infinitesimal in nature.

A love so muscular, enduring and gargantuan in scale that it dwarfs the love he possesses for you.

“Don’t feel bad, 99.8% of fathers watching the rugby feel the same,” confirmed Irish rugby experts who confirmed you are not to be alarmed or upset when your father states that he had a dream where the Leinster no.8 was his son and then breaks down in tears.

“He will try, but it’s not possible he just loves Caelan more. Same goes for Josh van der Flier and James Ryan. It’s not a reflection on you, more just evidence of the unimpeachable reliability and brilliance of Caelan,” a leading family psychologist confirmed.

For sons or daughters who played rugby or any other sport to a decent level, the toll this revelation has on them will be more extreme, with each loud cheers of ‘gwan Caelan’ or ‘did you see that? What a player, what a man’ stinging like a slow acting poison.

“If it’s any consolation all research points to the fact that he doesn’t feel that way about Peter O’Mahony. In O’Mahony’s case your dad wishes the Munster man was his father, and shows a strong desire to be read a bedtime story by him,” added the psychologist.