How Bakhurst Plans On Cutting Costs At RTÉ

WITH people more likely to give themselves a lobotomy with blunt knife than renew their TV licences combined with a culture of perks and lack of oversight having to come to an end, RTÉ director general Kevin Bakhurst is tasked with introducing a number of cost-cutting measures.

Here’s how the new man is planning on plugging a gap in the black hole void otherwise known as RTÉ’s dwindling finances:

Top earners pay reduced to reflect what a small and limited market there is for on-air talent in Ireland. Sack a few people on entry level salaries.

Charge the government and house Ukrainian refugees in Carrigstown.

Maximum one Marty at RTÉ. Host pay-per-view fight to the death between Marty Morrissey and Marty Whelan.

Hiring freeze (except for direct blood relatives of existing staff).

Politely ask Ryan Tubridy to hand back that €150,000. But don’t, like, pursue it or anything.

Bakhurst would not rule out selling Dáithí Ó Sé.

More repeats and less Irish produced content.

Charging the public €100 each for the chance to let out all its anger against RTÉ by demolishing its buildings with a sledgehammer if/when the grounds are sold.

Leave a mass donation basket on the side of everyone’s TVs.

Try staging the Toy Show Musical again. Damn it, it’s an idea so crazy it might just surpass RTÉ’s €2.2mn loss it has already incurred on it.

Reduce spend on drama shows by just running a live-feed of the RTÉ canteen instead.

Get rid of the car allowance for the employees. Use the €80k a year Fair City stills photographer to take a picture of Bakhurst announcing the end to car allowances.

Sell Prime Time studio. Film all current affairs programmes from Claire Byrne’s shed.