Justice Minister Reiterates Full Confidence In Guards Who Have No Confidence In Drew Harris Who She Has Full Confidence In


RISKING a tear in the space time continuum and rendering the very concept of logic utterly meaningless, Minister for Justice Helen McEntee is continuing in her attempts to give cognitive dissonance itself cognitive dissonance by reiterating her support for Garda Commissioner Drew Harris.

The pledge of support for Harris comes after 98.7% of the rank and file GRA members, who McEntee has full and total confidence in, have expressed a fuller and more total lack of confidence in Harris, someone she maintains she has confidence in, in direct opposition to confidence she has in gardaí.

“I need a lie down,” confirmed McEntee and cabinet colleagues as they struggled to provide the rationale necessary to simultaneously have full confidence in the rank and file and the Commissioner while relations between the two are frostier than Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner fans.

“Commissioner Harris is about as popular as diarrhea in a spacesuit but he has our full confidence which makes total sense when you consider we truly value what rank and file gardaí tell us,” explained a Dept of Justice of official, while mimicking negative effect a diarrhea filled spacesuit would have.

Such it is brain bending effect of trying to reconcile the two contradictory positions, the public is advised to seek shelter if they see or hear a Minister McEntee press conference.

“I would just appeal to the 98.7% of guards who have no faith in his leadership to wait until he forces through the new rota you are all against, until making a final judgement,” concluded McEntee.

“The man is a disgrace, it’s an utter shambles, get Lee Carsley in and he’ll sort it out,” added a confused member of the public.